Usually, if you don’t give them influence, the truly toxic ones leave.Īnd if, after watching them for a few months (true character is revealed over time) you realize you’re wrong (which I have been), then you can invite them to get involved.Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. So what do you do with someone like this?ĭon’t let them get involved. If a person displays one or two signs that may not demonstrate they’re toxic, but if the person displays 5 or 6, it’s fairly good evidence you might be dealing with a toxic person: If someone left 5 churches in the last 5 years, they're probably leaving yours too. Hint: If someone left 5 churches in the last 5 years, they’re probably leaving yours too. Often people will tell me about 3 or 4 churches they’ve been to (flag) or about a major schism they were a part of that caused them to leave their last church (big flag). When I’m picking up some of the other signs, I’ll ask a question such as “Tell me where you’ve gone to church over the last few years.” Usually, a person who comes on that strong has a history of moving around. They have a track record of moving around. Great leaders don't mind being obscure leaders. They have the humility to be obscure for a while and serve rather than want to be served. They’ll email you, call you, ask for breakfast, and try to figure out how they can ‘help’ or be influential early on.Īgain, most great leaders wait to be asked. Often a toxic person, because they want to be the center of attention, will try to get on your calendar soon. You hear from them far too often in the first month. Toxic people want to be the center of attention. They tell you about their accomplishments. They tell you about their amazing track record. But it’s done with humility, respect, and concern for the person.) Toxic people tell you everything about themselves. (In really close relationships, it’s natural to volunteer opinions.
If someone is telling you things all the time and never waits to be asked, it’s a sign of toxicity. Toxic people volunteer them (see #2 above). But in a healthy human relationship, we reserve opinions about others until we are asked the share them. Naturally, we all have opinions that are valid. They tell rather than waiting to be asked. Learn More About The Art of Church Growth Program 3. Healthy people never give you loads of advice the first time they meet you. When people I first meet start telling me about all the ways we can improve our church, I thank them and tell them point blank we’re probably not the church for them and offer to help them find a new one. Whether it’s a casual conversation or even a job interview, people who tell 15 ways you can improve your organization or your speaking often end up being toxic people.Īre there ways we can improve our organization? Of course.Ĭan you improve your speaking? Sure you can.īut when someone leads off with loads of advice…well, that’s just not healthy. They give you advice during your first meeting. People who come on strong when they first meet you usually leave just as loudly. I find usually the people who are moderately impressed or even neutral on the first visit and warm up over time are the ones who are most healthy in the long run. I have learned to be suspicious when people tell me on first meeting and first hearing, “That’s the best message I’ve ever heard in my life!” or “This is the best church I’ve ever been to anywhere.” What’s perplexing is that the people who end up being the most toxic at the end of the relationship are over-the-top positive when they first meet you. In my experience as a pastor, the people who show up and want to make it headline news are rarely (I’m being generous here) healthy people. So…how can you tell early on that the person you’re dealing with might be that person? An unhealthy person can infect your team like toxins infect the human body. Some remain difficult, despite all attempts.Īnd as you know, if you don’t address toxic people-or worse, let them gain influence-they can infect your whole organization, diminishing your effectiveness and taking everyone’s focus off the mission. Unhealthy people can grow healthier with the right care and attention in a healthy environment.īut some toxic people just don’t. The optimist in you and me hope toxic people will become better. After some exposure, everyone feels sick. At your church, as a volunteer, on your staff, and as customers.Īn unhealthy person can infect your team like toxins infect the human body.
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